RESTART, REFRESH, REWIND

Following on from my last post not a lot has happened but at the same time so much has happened.

I am much better in myself and am able to stay awake a lot longer (I have glandular fever) however the throat is still really sore and I am still exhausted after doing anything that doesnt involve lying in my bed all day. I am feeling much better though and imagine in the next 4 weeks I will be back to normal.

Only problem is I have missed a crazy amount of school. I think it is 5 weeks and I worked out thats something like 120 lessons I’ve missed and I’m still not ready to go back. Exam period starts in 8 weeks meaning in 8 weeks I would have to catch up on 120 lessons (and counting), learn all of the new stuff when I go back and do hours and hours of revision. At the moment I can hardly stay awake after a few hours of being out of the house.

The decision has been made that I wont return to school this year and I will redo the year 12 next year when I am in a better state to do so. This is all well and good for everyone else and I know it is good for me in the long run but it is not a nice thought.

Not a nice thought to be able to hardly see your friends for 6 months and then when you do so, they are stressing about exams and you are not able to be stressed with them. I have hardly seen them as it is while I have been ill. They have come to visit me as much as they possibly can and I have to understand that they have their own lives and schoolwork to get on with but with me not having much of a life and having no schoolwork to do it is really really really difficult.

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I wont be seeing much of them even when I do go back next year and I just have to think that it is the only way forward if I do want to do medicine when I go to university.

I have another 6 months until I start back at school now and I have to think of ways to keep myself occupied. I initially thought a job and I think that in a month or 2 I may be able to get some sort of part time job somewhere so at least I am earning some money. Or maybe I can find a way of making money online doing surveys or something I dont know…

At the moment it is about getting it straight in my head that I won’t be able to see my friends much. Also my boyfriend may be moving an hour away which is killing me inside (eventhough I wouldnt tell him that as it is basically his only option) he still has to travel here every day for his job but it means I will only be able to see him a few days and for a shorter amount of time as he would have to travel back. Also wouldnt see him much on weekends.

I’m sure once ive got my head around it all I will be fine it just seems like a lot of things and big decisions are happening all at once and being stuck in the house by yourself all day only leads you to overthink things and end up feeling like this.

Anyways, I’m off.

Beth xx

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